Routine for healing

Wake up, gitty up, love, go for it, have coffee, cum, eat, drink, bathe, dance, pet your cat, run to the train, coffee to go, sit on the stairs, love, wait, read, read some more, love, read a whole chapter, music, strut, work, love, have a laugh, get angry, love, question your life decisions, fear and plan, tone your thought, love, take the stairs, exercise, be assertive, be frontal, be transparent, save your words, love, have ideas, imagine, feel the sun, drink water, love, drink some more, eat, have sex dreams on the train after work, love, read on the train, have sugar, do something different, participate in some project with your honest words and required wisdom, work out, sweat, love, drink lots of water, persist, tunel vision, limits, love, the here, the now, arrousal, strength, walk home, love, make a phone call, say lovely words, love, feel less happy hanging up, love, complete a 20 minute walk, love, get home, shower, cum, moisturize, dance, love, cook dinner, make it dirty, love, don’t wash the dishes, eat proudly, love, eat from a boul, have icecream, watch some stupid series, behold the living results of your works, feel horny, try to remember your daily to do list, fail at it, love, have a martini, grab your book, love, read, love, enter the zone, love and do whatever. There is only now.

GJ

ad libs 4

A verdade liberta-nos quando a aceitamos. Algo muda.

Por cada verdade que aceitei como libertação algo mudou, é verdade. Há alívio parcelado. No alívio, porém, persiste a demanda por preenchimento, a aventura de levar a cabo a crise sustentada por coisas que não sei o que são, coisas vazias. Coisas, ambições, fragmentos de identidade dos quais nada de mim grita de volta. Tudo vale a pena, se quiser a dúvida. Tentar tudo tem tanto de bravura como de devassidão. 

Não sei o que é que vou querer, sabendo não estou interessado em demasiados sonhos, nem em contentar-me. Procuro exceder-me.

Tenho voz e vou transformá-la em pedaços concretos e francos, pôr por palavras e razão um copo cheio.

Ficar. Ficar agrilhoa as mentes francas e curiosas mas não as demove.

Morrer ou não morrer é a premissa duma falácia. Se o suicídio se torna numa opção, em toda a sua natureza de grande conflito, passa a ser senão o regalo dos que se deliciam com menos um, enquanto que aquilo que faz com que viver seja o maior dom nos é retirado e lá nos vamos esquecendo – no meio das ofensas, dos vícios, das suspeitas, da sobrevivência, dos nossos buracos perfeitos – do que somos feitos e do que podemos ser, secretamente conscientes da inconsistência das nossas desculpas para sermos menores.

Sentir-me medíocre trouxe-me aqui e acredito estar algures perto de alguma coisa que procuro. A demanda pelo que anseio continua, porque vivo as epifanias de agora, porque quantas mais respostas obtenho, mais procuro.

 

GJ

To whom it may concern

To walk on this earth where everybody else is just everybody else and I walk inside my half bubble perfumed with your honey like saliva on my skin, your powerful waving. To grow gardens plowed in my mouth. To be the privileged proud man who meets his future reaching out for your half to make us whole. I go to bed with this knowing we shall have what we don’t yet.

 

GJ

About inadequacy

I don’t know anything about chill, when I’m excited I’m excited, when I’m happy I’m happy, when I’m mad I’m mad, when I’m indifferent I’m indifferent – my emotions are see through. Saying I’m reactive, vulcanic, impressionable, corrosive, childish, anxious, depressive, reclusive, idealist, spontaneous, even kind, it all gets lost in translation, because a big front makes up for being transparent to the point of extreme vulnerability. Coming from a place of honesty and transparency is dangerous and frustrating yet liberating. Try it sometime.

 

GJ

Poetry, imagery & painting

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Some time ago I drew a series of illustrations for a few poems. Back then I was really into digital drawing and although I liked the results the drawings came out a little stiff,  dull even. I took the time to reinterpret my favourites and add bits of the poems to the watercolour paintings in calligraphy,  using a very special pearly pigment mixed to calligraphy ink.

GJ