Weird things we do in the shower

People have quirks about them that we see clearly while other rather seemingly mundane ones are kept in secret. Shower time is sacred for the large majority, a time to replenish and wake up, play and being creative, for procrastination and delight. There are others who just rush in and out of the shower. Some people like a quick energetic scrub, others prefer a long and perfumed bath. We all have our own fixed hygiene routines and the boldest of us dare showing it on Youtube… Cringe.

However, there’s more to the cleaning ritual than the scrubbing, shampooing, rinsing, singing “La Donna é Mobile” and playing with the all time classic yellow rubber duck. Here are some things we might do in the shower as well.






Who does this? A college student and busy bee special.


For those who are always in a rush and who have mastered multitasking, for those who don’t have time to eat, for those who crawl out of bed already late for everything, snacking in the shower is a given. Who wants to slurp on a hot coffee mug in the shower? Perhaps nibbling at a bag of trail mix, even? Careful, though – no one wants a case of soggy nuts.

The best options for shower eaters are apples, oranges (trending) and smoothies. 

The hungry shower eater will enjoy a beer, ice cream and fried chicken. 

The fancy bath enthusiasts will enjoy champagne and/or cocktails. 






Coming up with the perfect comeback to an imaginary argument and winning it.


Who does this? The grudge holders, the belligerent, the petty.


If we find ourselves revisiting a stressful moment we wish we had the best comeback to knock a bitch out of their dirty socks, we might be holding more grudges than we can take. If we’re having fun with it, we have a case. Also, if during a verbal disagreement we turned our back knowing we could have stood up for ourselves but didn’t, why not try this out for practice? The downside is we may still not “win”, but we end up getting it out of our chest. Petty people relish in this because they care and they have fun with it, nothing to do here…





Falling asleep


Who does this? Night shift workers, insomniacs, children, narcoleptics.


Hmmm, it’s comfy, steamy, warm and soothing and you’re falling asleep… WAKE UP! The dangers of falling asleep in the shower are: concussions resulting from falling (having a pillow in the shower helps), thrombosis, dehydration, hypothermia or hyperthermia and we could also risk flooding the bathroom… Overall, not a good picture. Sleep early and avoid having caffeine at least six hours before bed. If you’re well rested and fall asleep in the shower, than it’s time to get a brain check.




Thinking about life and getting depressed


Who does this? Overthinkers, dreamers, creative people.


It happens to everyone at least once in a lifetime. The shower/bath is the temple for either play or contemplation… and so is the toilet. Something about the porcelain, maybe?

Actually, the incubation and release of dopamine resulting from relaxation, a feeling of comfort plays a part on why we get to thinking, reminiscing and having ideas. Without a doubt, the moment of solitude and confinement powered by the warm pouring water, the splashing, the feeling of its warm embrace, the very act of self cleaning, all things combined make the shower/bath the perfect setting for a moment of relaxation… the degree of dismay will depend on one’s personality – but hey! this is also a great time to have great ideas so, take the good with the bad because you never know when that millionaire idea will pop up.




Soapy hair styling


Who does this? People who don’t take themselves too seriously and a few dozen who deny it.


Showers and baths are fun?? Shut your gut! Unheard of!!

Mostly children and people who don’t take themselves too seriously do soapy hairstyles in the bath/shower. Just imagine the possibilities: being a unicorn, Pippi Longstocking with two bold braids that have got a life of their own, Edward Scissorhands’ disheveled mane or even Son Goku! The way the shampoo and the conditioner defy gravity *enter chorus* brings so much more joy to the regular shower. Which brings us to the next one:




Making foam beards


Who does this? Mostly bald and beardless men and people around Xmas time.


Bald guys who can’t grow a beard may find this makes for a good picture. It makes a great Santa’s beard for Christmas, let’s give this one a go. For those who enjoy foam baths this is a way more creative use of their time. Well, that and glass of eggnog. Seriously, it’s all just fun, baths have been a source of pleasure, fun and play for ages! Remember to save water!!!!!!!




Doing some laundry


Who does this? Fitness enthusiasts, travelers, cheapskates.


Google it, it’s a thing. First search suggestions should be “who does laundry in Hogwarts” and “who does laundry on big brother”.

Same as we wash our bodies we can use the same soap bar or shower gel to wash a shirt and dirty socks. It’s a money saver, sure it helps the environment and we get rid of the whole thing faster, especially while traveling so we’re not spending ridiculous amounts of money for self-service laundry. Wear it, wear it out, jump in the shower, wash, wring, air it, done. Also, after a sweaty workout, the one we’re repeating the day after or sometime during the week, instead of leaving the clothes to rot in stank, we can even take a shower with the clothes on afterwards, wash them on and take it to the next level by doing a sexy yet clumsy strip!






Who does this? Regardless of gender, confident and sexy people.


It’s not disgraceful but it is risky. Those who tried it stuck to ground level moves, the ole wine and grind, no jumps and definitely no pole, so don’t get any ideas.

It’s fine to get our sexy groove on, it involves a great deal of muscle work and it does more for low self-esteem than one might think. Not every song will fit the shower stripper – anything by Jodeci does it.


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Pulling out drain clogging fallen hair


Who does this? Obsessive, neat people.


Fallen hair is a nightmare for many, a reminder of loss, a fear, a clogging problem, but not for the OCD and the neat. No, to them it represents yet another urge! Being clean and showering in a clean bathtub or shower cabin is ideal, although for people who suffer from OCD it becomes very debilitating. We all know that person whose tick is keeping things neat and squeaky clean, and we all know how to make them happy. If you ever want to get at someone like, clean after their mess so there isn’t anything to do and watch them go mad.

Oddly enough, disgusting drain hair if for some people a satisfying source of fun… No judgement, but I’m judging :/

Anyway, instead of splitting hairs, why not play with it altogether if we have to remove it from the drainer and then throw it out? I say, try everything once… as long as you don’t kill yourself and/or others.




Playing with the showerhead


Who does this? You know you do it.


Masturbation, of course. Besides that, here’s a list of things we can try.

Whether there is a regular showerhead or one of those with a high pressure switch, people have pretended putting out fires, having a penis, taking a massive number 1, being the god of rain, being Christina Aguilera in that video with Lil Kim, kids (probably some of us) have pretended to be Squirtle and we know we did the blrblrblr sound, we’ve pointed it to our faces and tried to bite at the water, we’ve used it as a microphone and to recreate “Singing in the rain” or “Umbrella”. If not only for the animation, playing pretend helps us being more open-minded.




Routine for healing

Wake up, gitty up, love, go for it, have coffee, cum, eat, drink, bathe, dance, pet your cat, run to the train, coffee to go, sit on the stairs, love, wait, read, read some more, love, read a whole chapter, music, strut, work, love, have a laugh, get angry, love, question your life decisions, fear and plan, tone your thought, love, take the stairs, exercise, be assertive, be frontal, be transparent, save your words, love, have ideas, imagine, feel the sun, drink water, love, drink some more, eat, have sex dreams on the train after work, love, read on the train, have sugar, do something different, participate in some project with your honest words and required wisdom, work out, sweat, love, drink lots of water, persist, tunel vision, limits, love, the here, the now, arrousal, strength, walk home, love, make a phone call, say lovely words, love, feel less happy hanging up, love, complete a 20 minute walk, love, get home, shower, cum, moisturize, dance, love, cook dinner, make it dirty, love, don’t wash the dishes, eat proudly, love, eat from a boul, have icecream, watch some stupid series, behold the living results of your works, feel horny, try to remember your daily to do list, fail at it, love, have a martini, grab your book, love, read, love, enter the zone, love and do whatever. There is only now.


ad libs 4

A verdade liberta-nos quando a aceitamos. Algo muda.

Por cada verdade que aceitei como libertação algo mudou, é verdade. Há alívio parcelado. No alívio, porém, persiste a demanda por preenchimento, a aventura de levar a cabo a crise sustentada por coisas que não sei o que são, coisas vazias. Coisas, ambições, fragmentos de identidade dos quais nada de mim grita de volta. Tudo vale a pena, se quiser a dúvida. Tentar tudo tem tanto de bravura como de devassidão. 

Não sei o que é que vou querer, sabendo não estou interessado em demasiados sonhos, nem em contentar-me. Procuro exceder-me.

Tenho voz e vou transformá-la em pedaços concretos e francos, pôr por palavras e razão um copo cheio.

Ficar. Ficar agrilhoa as mentes francas e curiosas mas não as demove.

Morrer ou não morrer é a premissa duma falácia. Se o suicídio se torna numa opção, em toda a sua natureza de grande conflito, passa a ser senão o regalo dos que se deliciam com menos um, enquanto que aquilo que faz com que viver seja o maior dom nos é retirado e lá nos vamos esquecendo – no meio das ofensas, dos vícios, das suspeitas, da sobrevivência, dos nossos buracos perfeitos – do que somos feitos e do que podemos ser, secretamente conscientes da inconsistência das nossas desculpas para sermos menores.

Sentir-me medíocre trouxe-me aqui e acredito estar algures perto de alguma coisa que procuro. A demanda pelo que anseio continua, porque vivo as epifanias de agora, porque quantas mais respostas obtenho, mais procuro.



To whom it may concern

To walk on this earth where everybody else is just everybody else and I walk inside my half bubble perfumed with your honey like saliva on my skin, your powerful waving. To grow gardens plowed in my mouth. To be the privileged proud man who meets his future reaching out for your half to make us whole. I go to bed with this knowing we shall have what we don’t yet.



About inadequacy

I don’t know anything about chill, when I’m excited I’m excited, when I’m happy I’m happy, when I’m mad I’m mad, when I’m indifferent I’m indifferent – my emotions are see through. Saying I’m reactive, vulcanic, impressionable, corrosive, childish, anxious, depressive, reclusive, idealist, spontaneous, even kind, it all gets lost in translation, because a big front makes up for being transparent to the point of extreme vulnerability. Coming from a place of honesty and transparency is dangerous and frustrating yet liberating. Try it sometime.



Poetry, imagery & painting



Some time ago I drew a series of illustrations for a few poems. Back then I was really into digital drawing and although I liked the results the drawings came out a little stiff,  dull even. I took the time to reinterpret my favourites and add bits of the poems to the watercolour paintings in calligraphy,  using a very special pearly pigment mixed to calligraphy ink.